I. Choose Whom Thou Wilt As The Lord Thy God. Why should I care? I am perfectly comfortable sitting here in the sun. Go ahead and rush around to church if thou must. Bring me a banana whilst thou’rt up.
II. Dream, Often. Preferably In The Sun With a Warm Belly. Thou shalt let the warm-bloods run around wasting energy and getting carried away by their hormones. Reptiles dream first and act second. That’s why reptiles are symbols of wisdom and Coyote and Raven are not.
III. Mellow Out. It’s hardly even worth fighting over food or territory. Well, maybe food. If it’s a banana. Or cilantro. But if someone invades thy space, just sit on him. Mmm. Warm. Comfy. There’s room for everyone on this rock.
IV. Bask In the Sun. When it goes away, find a warm rock or another reptile to sit on. We cannot live without warmth. Warmth provides energy. If something or someone does not keep thee warm, leave and find something or someone that does. And sit on it.
V. Accept Change. Eggs hatch. Skin sheds. Tails grow back. If it is too heavy, cold, or itchy, shed it. Nothing is necessary except heat, food, and dreaming. Everything else is subject to change without notice. Including thee.
VI. Fight Only If Absolutely Necessary. Fighting takes effort. Effort drains body heat. If thou must fight, honor the Reptile Way. Puff up. Open thy mouth. Bob thy head. Bite only if there is no other choice. Getting bitten hurts! Driving thy opponent off is sufficient. If thou seemeth crazy enough, people will leave thee alone. And if not, run the hell away and lve to bask in the sun another day. Losing a tail is better than losing a life.
VII. Rely Not Upon Thy Neighbors. Be independent. Think for thyself. Enjoy sitting on thy neighbor’s warm, scaly ass, but don’t expect thy neighbor to feed thee, else thou shalt surely starve to death. Also, remember that thou need not outrun thy predator. Only thy neighbor.
VIII. Mate in Season and Do Not Bring Babies Into a Dangerous Environment. Better to re-absorb thy eggs than let hatchlings die. Lack of warmth will kill them. So will lack of food. Make sure thy hatchlings can survive on their own, because life is dangerous.
IX. Understand Darkness and Deepness. Darkness and deepness mean lack of sun. They also mean safety from predators. Hide in the dark and the deep when thou hath need of them, but return to the sun before cold overwhelms thee.
X. Honor Other Reptiles. Not that thou hath any need of them, But it is nice to have them around to sit on. Forget not to let them sit on thee sometimes, too. Warmth goes both ways.
Image Source: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen